saying good-bye never means you never gonna hear from them again

Hey everyone.

I'm gonna close this blog down.

Well not exactly close it. It'll still be open but I won't be writing here anymore. I had a lot of history here. I've been writing here since 2006 so bits of my life and history from then to 2009 can be found here on this site. How I grew up. How my writing style changed then. How I look since then even. There's a lot of memories I cherish here on this site so I'm keeping it open and public instead of making it private for you all and also to for myself. To get a glimpse of something like "what did I do on New Years two years ago" and then I can go through my old posts and check. Or "hey I was blonde in 2006". Stuff like that.

I've opened a new blog. And yes its still on blogspot. I've experimented with tumblr and wordpress and realised blogspot is best suited for me after all. Its at http://ctsy27.blogspot.com

And I browsed almost all the my friend list here and noticed some of you are not writing anymore and some of you have even deleted your blogs. Or have new blogs that I don't know of. So only people that's still writing are added in my current blog. To keep my current new blog not confusing for myself. Haha.

But if you any of you wana link me back or get in touch with me again. Go there :)

Or if you've linked me in the past and I'm still on that list and your still writing but I never knew about it. You can now tell me about it and I'll link you in my new blog. No worries :)

And I'm going to be active. Not gonna leave my sites deserted no more. I hope.

And why getting a new blog and not using the old one? Cause its a whole new decade. Its 2010. I wana start fresh with the new year without having an old blog filled with a past that's pulling me down. Like post of my ex-boyfriends. Friendships that have grown apart and mad rants from the past. And a whole lot of random things I was doing in the past.

I'll just be doing that in my new blog. Starting a new. :D

And everyone needs a space to rant and voice out their opinions. I'm not satisfied with just facebook and twitter. And I do like writing yeah :)

So check out me at http://ctsy27.blogspot.com good bye.

friend

I'm not asleep yet.

It's been long since I've been here. Anyone missed me?

I know you read this. So friend. You know I'm a bit proud to admit this but I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss you like crazy. I'm going to miss everything about you so badly, I feel like crying when I see you these past few days, but I'm a bit strong so everytime you say "I'm leaving soon" I push it aside and think that it'll never come that soon. But, now reality has finally sinked in, and I know its going to be tomorrow you're leaving and I don't know when will be the next time I see you or even get to hug you or even provoke you anymore. When will I get to poke fun at your comments and get you angry,cause I know even when you do you just push it aside for a while then be that happy guy again. Or even make stupid remarks or lame jokes to make you laugh cause I know you understand me in a certain sense.

I told you tonight. We got acquainted on the 28th November 2007. I went through my archives and found the exact date. I wish you could be around so we could celebrate our 3 years of friendship, but I know its not possible. Now. I hope you'll be in Singapore in November when I'm there for my holidays to give me tips for my fashion and make-up needs. I hope you'll be able to come, please, if you can.

Friend. I knew I pushed you aside for one year. I knew you hated every second when you were apart from me, and I was blind to see, how much you meant to me, to going on to ignoring you for one whole year. I'm happy we got back together just before you have to leave. And I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart, that I pushed you aside. Even though we rekindled our friendship just for these past few months, but, the memories we created will last a life time. I'm sure.

The one year has changed us both. Little by little, big by big. However I think this change has done good for both of us and I'm happy to know we could still joke about old times and be close, or rather closer than we were ever before.

Sometimes the jokes you make, make me go to the state of mind of going insane. Sometimes the things you do anger me to the extent that makes me want to ignore you. Sometimes the ways you play with my hair and telling me it looks pretty when I don't, when you put heaps of make-up on my face and saying "it turns you on" meaning I look HOT to you, and then I look in the mirror and think "I HATE THIS" will be things I really miss will certainly dearly miss from the bottom of my heart.

I'll miss it when you want to go here and there when I don't want to go, but in the end you force me a bit and I go. I could have rejected, but really I would rather go to random places with you and do things I don't want instead of rotting at home and doing nothing. I miss that special someone who always think of me first and rather starve and wait for me cause you always make it seem like I'm someone special in your heart. I know I am.

I'll miss you calling me sayang, I'll miss you shopping with me, I'll miss eating with you and you giving me piggy back rides and you carrying me and swinging me around and around till I get dizzy. I won't have anyone like that again. I'll miss calling you fat and ugly, cause you know I don't actually mean that. You are the handsomest boy I know, and the tallest too. Not the thinnest, lose some weight and we'll talk ok?

I'll miss our smoking sessions and you forcing me to drink when we club. Even though I don't like it, but you know I warm up to the idea after a while. I'll miss wearing the same colours with you when we go out. I'll miss you ranting, I'll miss me ranting to you and hitting you for calling me random words. Who am I going to talk to about really random things. Who's going to stand my mood swings and go according to what I want by changing his plans without getting the least teeny bit annoyed cause he loves me? Who's going to protect me from the cops when there roadblocks or raids?

Who's going to help me move stuff in the middle of the night and clean my toilet. And cook for me? Where's my coleslaw by the way? You haven't done any home-made cooking for me as of late. Who's going to pick my clothes for me and do my hair and eye-liner anymore. Who's going to sing with me in the car loudly, to every song cause we have the same taste? Who's going to be my alarm clock in the mornings to eat breakfast, who's going to go yamcha with me everytime I call. Who's going to sit with me for hours, get infested by mosquitoes while we chat happily about all topics. Who's going to help me do my bed when he pops by my house, or fix my bed, or shout at me for being so disorganized and messy. Who's going to shop with me, bring me a dozen clothes he knows will look nice on me, and then go into the dresser and help me zip up, like my own personal fashion organizer.

Boy, I'm going to miss you heaps. Till we meet paths again. And I hope by the time you read this, you'll know that you made a huge mark in my life, in a good way. As a friend and person that has changed my life in certain extremes. I could never in my life imagined that the guy who I though was gay (with the pink hair), the guy who ruined my hair (remember the hair-cut), the guy who honked at my door instead of calling just to find me, that annoying guy that calls and find ways to ask me to go find him when I couldn't, could be one of the greatest people I've ever know.

Baby boy. I love you and I'm going to miss you so much. I hope you have a great future ahead of you. A safe trip back home. A great life free from dramas and too much stress. And a life of not being broke anymore so that he can spend how much he wants, shop for whatever random things he wants and eats whatever he wants. Be good, take care, work hard, play hard and see you soon.

Hugs and Kisses.

And, and, I hate love.

welcome to my paradise

The other day me and my friends decided to head to the beach. Unaware of which one not that there's a lot of beaches around we opted for nearest one which was at Kuala Baram road.

We got ourselves ready with beach gear. Kinda. And readied the boot with 3 cans of Carlsberg, some barbecued hot-dogs, a camera and ourselves. It was me, Fara and Kevin and mainly it was my idea to go for screaming out that thought for days now. I finally decided it was time to get sand in my toes and the feeling of water and sun, not the scorching kind but a little UV ray exposure for the benefit of our skin. Everyone agreed and from there our journey began.

me

The beach was hidden behind a pile of boulders which we had to climb over from the main Kuala Baram road. Parked the car on the side of the road and after we had a rock-climbing session which almost made me squirm and fall, but I didn't. Thank goodness.

me and kevin

The sun was a bright orange. It was almost evening but the sky was not so pretty on the said date. I was a little bummed cause I wanted to take pictures of the sunset, but the weather was a little gloomy and the sun a little blob which made the sunset not so interesting to look at.

Kevin had this bright idea of writing our names in sand

Fara's name is actually spelt Farha but it would be easier just to say fara fara fara. Kevin mispelt her name which resulted in me wiping the wrong spelling out with my slippers just to correct him.

Kevin and Fara

me and Fara

we decided to be a little vain in the sun with the water soaking up our toes

and our romantic shot

The company was divine. And the beach, a little less awesome that normal but we had a good time relaxing ourselves from the stress in our minds before the sky turned dark.

till you drop

Life in university is not always all about studies and exams. Sometimes we do have our own share of fun and methods to entertain ourselves. A few days ago there was a party at Imperial Hotel Apartments that I was invited to attend. Some friends rented a night over there and decided to throw a party without forgetting to invite others to participate. My way of spending the weekend was to drive down to Brunei to see my family. Yet after a bit of convincing and coaxing I decided to stay instead.

The night was young. My friends and I all got dressed up while putting a casual vibe to our apparel of choice. We reached the downstairs of Imperial which is like a good 20 minutes from home and waited for our friends to bring us up into the room where the party was at.

This is Leah and I making use of the toilet downstairs while waiting for Bertha to bring us up into the apartment party.

me and Leah

We arrived and mingled around without forgetting to add our own presence and existence into the room. Glow-sticks were all around. Kevin was the first person to notice these glowy things in the room. And soon all sorts of trinkets were made from these glow-in-the-dark sticks when we found connectors that connected one to another.

Mind the pictures. I have no idea why it came out all blurry and the like.

This is Fara and the glow-stick

Gillespie and Leah

Kevin and the glow-stick

These sticks started of as well.. sticks.. then made into bracelets where I was one of the people that wore these illuminous objects for the said event.

After eye-wear was made

And everything followed suit.

Do notice Fara adorning these sticks on her neck. A huge floral pendant was made from our creative minds which, she wore on her neck for the entire night.

me and Ayu and Leah

After a bit of time, even head-wear was invented

And here is the Queen of light

Kevin, Leah and Gillespie

Me and Lyanis

Mind the drunken faces. Of course there was alcohol for the party.

me, Leah, Nabila, Fara, Tim and Lyanis

Yes that's me red, intoxicated with alcohol. I didn't drink much though. And I was peachy in skin tone after just one cup?

me and Fara

Leah and Yusuf

We have this inside thing where Fara is our momma while Yusuf her current beau, made him is the father of the crew

The happy family

Momma and her boys

Gill, Yusuf and Kevin

me and Nabila

me and Nisha

Hearts all around people

and don't forget to smile

The night ended up with people getting high on alcohol. While others continue to stay on, some left for another location. I ended up at Al-Fresco. I didn't do much there not that I know of. People continued drinking yet I wasn't a part of that. I just sat around. I do remember being hungry so supper I had before we headed home after an adventurous night indeed.

because

Semester starts and a new beginning commences. Classes are .. I don't yet cause its been two weeks and already I'm lazy to go. I haven't attended much. I guess old habits never die hard. But hopefully from the third week onwards I'll pull myself up. I really have to.

Aside from that, University life has been great so far. I've been busy hanging out with my friends. Meeting them, chilling, their company has been divine, a little treat to the soul. I've been out much, and I think I have to cut down on that cause its draining my pockets dry. All I do is eat and I think I should do that activity a little less.

Just a bit update, I have pictures which I'm lazy to resize and upload. Sometime in the distant future alrighty peeps.


xx

highschool reunion

I had a reunion on Saturday with my high-school friends. Its been a few years since I last met them and I was invited to the reunion dinner at one of my ex-classmates place. It was pot-luck and that meant everyone had to bring something to eat. I just brought myself. It was more than enough isn't it. Besides I didn't know what to bring anyways. And luckily I didn't cause at the end of the night there was too much leftovers, everyone was arranging what to bring home for their midnight snack.

The reunion went fine and I followed a friend there.

We all didn't know who would actually come cause some people didn't actually confirmed their attendance but it was cool when we saw one person coming after another. Almost everyone was driving already and the carpark was full. Its kinda weird to see how everyone is growing up compared to when we all first met. Adolescences to grown-up adults. We were 12 when we all knew each other in the classroom but now this room consisted of a range of 20ish individuals. How time passes goes beyond me.

There were so many cameras there, ranging from a few dslr's to digital cameras. Almost everyone had their own photographic machines to capture moments for the night. It was spectacular and yeah that's what we spent the whole night doing. Taking pictures.

me

Form 3A of 2002

Ok this is a proper shot

we had cake

and a cake cutting session

the girls

me and Zee

Pictures are stolen from facebook cause I could'nt bothered playing cameraman cause everyone was doing that already. It was cool to see how everyone changed from the few years apart and to see who had major transformation since high-school.

I was in my own bubble cause I didn't sleep much the night before so I was kinda anti-social but anyways it was great to see everyone again after so long.

my home lies within your heart

Amidst my days I decided to be pay my bestie a visit. She has been preoccupied by her house renovations and I think its the fact that she's back for the holidays she's spending more time with her family. Since I called and she was free I took the opportunity to come and spend time with her.

Going to her house was just like paying the past a visit. There were memories of the place where she calls home. I frequented the place during our high-school and college times. He family knows me and has seen me grow up year after year. Her house changed but she's still the person I adore and heart.

I came over in the morning. We talked, chatted and took loads of pictures on my new camera. She was rushing around the house cause she had chores to do here and there but we did spend a great deal of time just reminiscing and talking. And when she was doing her daily chores I had the internet to myself. She even made breakfast for me :)

Most of the day was spent at her house, but she did come over to my place for a while where we took pictures. And put my new gadget to use

We headed to the beach nearby in the drizzling rain after just to feel the wind. We were a teeny bit scared that we would be the only ones there crazy enough to venture out to the beach where sunlight was not around but when we saw people around we were courageous enough to walk a bit in the sand. The weather was cool and refreshing, quite inviting if not for the rain that got heavier and forced us to come another day.

Our last stop was ice-cream at DQ even though the weather was cold and we were shivering from the ice-cream. Mainly it was because I felt like having a cold treat that melts inside your mouth and she was fine with the idea.

We ended the night with big hugs and a bid to pay the beach another time.


♥